I don't know why I feel sad. But I guess I just feel unmotivated and... sian. For a vocabulary lesson, the closest equivalent of sian is "morose". Haha.. I feel morose. I feel morose about my inefficacy (ineffectiveness) of reaching some students. I feel morose about being more like a disciplinarian than a motivator. I feel morose that I'm doing meaningless things when there are much more meaningful things waiting for me to do.

This is NOT GOOD.

I didn't even realize I was so bad-tempered until the other day, a student asked, "Cher, why do you always look so angry? Ask you question only ma, why do you answer until like so "bu nai fan (so pissed off in Chinese)". The strangest thing was, I didn't even realize I was giving off such vibes. What is wrong with me?

Don't know. Quarter-life crisis. That seems pretty popular among my friends these days. Everything also blame on quarter-life crisis. But I attended prayer meeting today, and it was good. I guess I feel better after Jiap prayed for me. Wise ol' Jiap said, "It doesn't matter what we feel. Our obedience to God is meaningful."

So what to do when you feel MOROSE? I'll pray, grit my teeth and get on with it. I can feel happy. Find the things I like to do and find the little joys in life. Appreciate people. Say thank you. Be thankful that God is still very good to me. He gives me a cab every morning without fail. Smile more at students (try. unless they misbehave). Smiling makes me happy. Spend time with sister. Iron my clothes (not that ironing makes me happy, but at least I clear some housework).

See... I feel happier already! :D