I've been thinking of this word recently. A lot, based on the events I see happening to me and to the people around me. What do you do when a friendship falls apart? When you've said some words that hurt? When a chasm has opened up between you and someone else until it seems impossible to close up that gaping hole again?
If I may, I would like to recount an incident that happened to me in university. I had a good friend when I went into hall. Her name is Angie. We were fast friends. Not the best of friends, but not too bad, I would say. So she was the captain of the touch rugby team and she picked me to be her team manager - basically water girl, take attendance, carry drinks etc. Not a bad job, because I didn't like playing the sport anyway. However, due to various circumstances (learning driving, family obligation), I couldn't fulfil my obligations a lot of the times. I think from then on, our friendship was really strained. She thought I was irresponsible, shirking off when there was training. I thought she was not understanding. Why can't she understand I just couldn't and already felt bad about it? Besides, I told her the reasons each time. She felt unhappy but didn't confront me; I felt angry but didn't confront her. As a result, we let our friendship slip away just like that - over such a small misunderstanding.
The bad news was, it took us over a year of silence and awkwardness to get back to a talking kind of level. It was so bad that we would avoid each other, although our rooms were only two doors away! And I remember thinking to myself "Is reconciliation ever possible?!" The good news was, I don't know how, I don't know when, but reconciliation started to take place and we even went on a graduation trip to Taiwan together! Just the two of us!! It was awesome and it wasn't awkward at all.
A few lessons I've learnt:
1) Reconcilation takes time. Sometimes we want to solve the problem, get rid of it right there and then. But often, it's not possible because there are still bad feelings. So the most difficult thing, but the best thing to do is to wait. Wait till you can look him / her into the eye, wait till he / she can completely forgive you.
2) Reconcilation takes 2 hands to clap. Both parties must want to save the friendship, otherwise there can't be true reconciliation.
3) Pray. When it comes to people, often times, it's not what we do that matters. In fact, it's really a mystery, what we do and what we don't. Since it's a mystery, it's better to let God lead your actions and not be too rash.
4) Sometimes it's better not to be reconciled at all (at this point of time). Perhaps your physical presence is the one that hurts more than heals. So be patient, be sensitive, let go and let God handle. Again, nothing is absolute. Not being reconciled now doesn't mean never being reconciled.
So I hope for all you good people out there, if you need to be reconciled with someone else, I hope this post and my example give you a little hope. Take time to heal, take time to wait, take time to say you're sorry, take time to wait for the other person to respond. I wish you all the best in your friendships and relationships. :)
I love you Angie! :D
If I may, I would like to recount an incident that happened to me in university. I had a good friend when I went into hall. Her name is Angie. We were fast friends. Not the best of friends, but not too bad, I would say. So she was the captain of the touch rugby team and she picked me to be her team manager - basically water girl, take attendance, carry drinks etc. Not a bad job, because I didn't like playing the sport anyway. However, due to various circumstances (learning driving, family obligation), I couldn't fulfil my obligations a lot of the times. I think from then on, our friendship was really strained. She thought I was irresponsible, shirking off when there was training. I thought she was not understanding. Why can't she understand I just couldn't and already felt bad about it? Besides, I told her the reasons each time. She felt unhappy but didn't confront me; I felt angry but didn't confront her. As a result, we let our friendship slip away just like that - over such a small misunderstanding.
The bad news was, it took us over a year of silence and awkwardness to get back to a talking kind of level. It was so bad that we would avoid each other, although our rooms were only two doors away! And I remember thinking to myself "Is reconciliation ever possible?!" The good news was, I don't know how, I don't know when, but reconciliation started to take place and we even went on a graduation trip to Taiwan together! Just the two of us!! It was awesome and it wasn't awkward at all.
A few lessons I've learnt:
1) Reconcilation takes time. Sometimes we want to solve the problem, get rid of it right there and then. But often, it's not possible because there are still bad feelings. So the most difficult thing, but the best thing to do is to wait. Wait till you can look him / her into the eye, wait till he / she can completely forgive you.
2) Reconcilation takes 2 hands to clap. Both parties must want to save the friendship, otherwise there can't be true reconciliation.
3) Pray. When it comes to people, often times, it's not what we do that matters. In fact, it's really a mystery, what we do and what we don't. Since it's a mystery, it's better to let God lead your actions and not be too rash.
4) Sometimes it's better not to be reconciled at all (at this point of time). Perhaps your physical presence is the one that hurts more than heals. So be patient, be sensitive, let go and let God handle. Again, nothing is absolute. Not being reconciled now doesn't mean never being reconciled.
So I hope for all you good people out there, if you need to be reconciled with someone else, I hope this post and my example give you a little hope. Take time to heal, take time to wait, take time to say you're sorry, take time to wait for the other person to respond. I wish you all the best in your friendships and relationships. :)
I love you Angie! :D
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